Perception or Reality

While playing baseball with my little boy last night, I noticed some changes in him. The way he acted, ran, and even spoke were different. Or were they? Granted, I noticed a marked decrease in ‘baby talk’, and not quite so many tears were shed. But could just two days of Kindergarten have had this profound of an effect on him, or had I changed my perception of him due to his new status as a “Kindergartener”?

The more time we spent together, the more observant I became. He did seem to eat dinner a bit more quickly, and not one complaint uttered when bath time came. But the more subtle changes were more interesting to note. He just seemed older. He spoke of things he learned at school and the friends that he made. As a mom who has made it my mission to teach and prepare him for what’s ahead, it made me feel good that those skills had been learned and remembered. But as a mom who has been with him nearly every day of his 5+ years, I felt a bit left out. I do realize that he gets older every day, and I need to step back little by little. He needs to be able to have his own experiences without me and that will shape him into a confident and secure person. I just wasn’t expecting this seemingly drastic of a change after day two.

This morning, he was once again raring to go as he hit the ground running -- excited that he was able to go to school again today. No dragging his feet or taking hours to eat his breakfast, he was ready to go in record time. Is this really my little boy? After hanging his backpack in his cubby, and numerous reminders not to run in the hall to get out to the playground, he seemed a bit hesitant to descend the hill to join the other children. Not seeing any of his classmates, he stood by his sister and me for a bit, scanning the crowd for a familiar face. Then, without a word, ran off. Then, returned. Then, ran down again. Then, returned. Seeing the pattern forming, I crouched down and took his little face in my hands and reassured him that there were many children waiting down there to play with him and he should go and have fun. In the end, the whistle blew, and it was time to go inside. He had missed his opportunity to play. I can’t help but wonder if I was in error. Should I have left immediately so he wouldn’t have had me to ‘save’ him? But how could I have left? Looking down at him searching for a friend, finding no one, then looking up at me, running back with that huge smile on his face. I couldn’t leave -- I couldn’t take that step back today. Yes, he’s growing up. But he’s still my little boy.

So, is it perception or reality? For me, the jury’s still out. But I think it’s probably a combination of both.

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